I’m so tired of letting people walk all over me, especially at work. Look, I get it, I’m young and ahead in my field so people like to give me shit to make themselves feel better. No big deal. But telling me my work looks like shit when I’ve just only started on it, grilling my every move, and checking everything I’ve done just to find that it’s been done exactly how it’s supposed to is all just insulting. I’m not twelve, I’m twenty, I take my work very seriously and pride myself on what credentials I’ve earned for myself. Also, shipping me in some sort of weird love triangle with every guy that walks in our doors is fucking weird. I literally don’t talk or hang out with anyone at work so why the fuck are they so interested in making up some dramatic love story for me when I don’t even know anyones name? Work is too much like high school.
I have to open for work today… Pray, chant, focus on your crystals, wish on an eyelash, just get me through work today because I have no motivation.
What am I doing with my life?
More like God-damned terrified. I mean, what the hell am I doing with my life? Why is my body in so much fucking pain all the time? Why am I always dizzy? And why does my anxiety have to be through the roof for all of this. I just want to sleep and wake up and everythings okay. Absolutely everything.
I feel like that’s not too much to ask. I wanted my stuff back like a week ago but he apparently wouldn’t let me. Ugh, it’s not fair to break up with someone via text WHILE THEY’RE AT WORK, and then tell them you’re not comfortable seeing them for a few weeks when you still have all their shit. Apparently he moved and I don’t even know where my stuff is, he has my peacock pearls, my favorite movies, my clothes, makeup, shoes, lingerie, and more. It’s not fair, it hurts, and it’s childish. I’m not angry, just disappointed. Disappointed that I loved and gave everything to someone for nearly two years that just wasn’t as invested or committed as I was. If anything, I’ve learned my lesson and I am NOT getting in a relationship for a fucking while. Not until I find someone I’m willing to risk getting completely crushed by again. Please don’t happen again, please?
A bread maker and a juicer. This concludes this early announcement. Thank you for your time and continue scrolling past <3
So, yesterday at work Nick decided to break-up with me via text. I could tell he was trying to be gentle but really? Two years and all I get are texts and a five minute phone call? Ugh. It’s just, it’s insulting to me and to what we once had. Fuck it, anyways, I ended up locking myself in my room with my kitten and basically broke down completely. I’m not proud of it. My sweet kitten was trying to cheer me up though by licking my tears off and rubbing up against my chin and I wish I could have recorded the weird-ass noise I made that was meant to be a laugh but ended up more like some sort of gurgling choked up squeak.
Honestly, I’m not sure what I’m going to do now, I mean, it’s easy to just go on living my life but I know it’s all going to creep back to me when I’m all alone; all the memories, the road trips, the jokes we had. I don’t really know how to handle losing a best friend as well. It’s weird.
One thing’s for sure, this kitten freakin’ knew and was like “Bam, human, take me home! You’ll need me!”. She’s adorable and fluffy and healthy and all mine so eat it. Also, I named her Data, from Star Trek.
So, it has become a personal goal of mine to make a glass box with lasers, a fan and confetti, and an ipod with just dancy-dance music. This box shall be placed in my living room. If, at any time, I or one of my future-hypothetical guests feels the sudden urge to dance like they’ve never danced before they can! With my handy dandy ~*One-Man-Rave*~ box.
Keep living the dream my lovely, lovely followers <3
Times slipping through my fingers so quickly. Everyone is changing, I’ve changed. Who the fuck am I? I don’t even understand, I feel dizzy and it’s hard to breathe.
I’m going to fucking sleep.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Please be better? Pretty please?