More like God-damned terrified. I mean, what the hell am I doing with my life? Why is my body in so much fucking pain all the time? Why am I always dizzy? And why does my anxiety have to be through the roof for all of this. I just want to sleep and wake up and everythings okay. Absolutely everything.
I know no one really cares about some blogger getting an anxiety attack but this one was just so much worse than any of the other ones I’ve had. I just sat there and sobbed/attempted to breathe for a good hour or so. When I went back to bed with boyfriend (he was still asleep) I started shaking really hard and kept crying. Once I had forced myself to sleep my dreams were only filled with every problem I have on my mind, only blown a little more out of proportion. Anyways, all I have to say is that waking up crying is probably the shittiest and most emptiest feeling a person could start the day off with.
I had been doing so well too.
Lately everything’s been getting to me. I’ve been so down but able enough to just be like, “worry about it later, at fine now and you’ll be fine!” but now I just feel like some sort of emotional time bomb. Everything makes me just want to curl up into a ball; my little brother finding a new family, my mom obsessing over her weight and taking it out on me, my dad constantly trying to feed me after I’m already full -yelling when I don’t- and then telling me I should work out more, my weight, school, friends and other relational happenings, over all I just have way too much anxiety and I don’t know what the fuck I need to do.
Long story short, I set myself up for failure. I’m an idiot and got behind in my history class, got locked out of it via internet, and now am unable to find out any info on the report due tomorrow. I’m also failing my math class due to the fact that I barely understand my teacher and fun little play-in of my learning disorder towards math. FML. I just want to crawl in a hole until this all blows over.
I’m swamped in work (mainly from Spanish) I have to write a children’s book in Spanish with illustrations and make it look like the real deal, read two books for the final in History, take a test in Spanish tomorrow, and either fill out a 100 question review as my final or actually do the 45 question final… I hate deciding… I hate school… I hate this.
SOMEONE GET ME CHOCOLATE AND TEA ASAP.
Seriously, fuck you.